So we all know the 90’s are back. It’s nothing new. No big deal. And…well…we’re not about trying to tell anyone what to do here. Obviously.
However, we are products of the 90’s era. So, we get some authority on what, at the very least, should not happen, in terms of 90’s vintage style. We don’t think you’ll disagree. There are some fads we can tinker with, but those which should stay in the past. We notice, as of late, that a few of those we should have buried forever are slowly popping up, hither and thither. Some of this is not a joke. And, you know the idiomatic expression, “Give ’em an inch, and they’ll take a mile”? Well, that’s what we’re afraid of. We’ll start with what’s forbidden and work toward the rest.
First – we don’t know what’s worse – the fact that no one should ever EVER wear Zubaz pants voluntarily, or the fact that there is a website that actually promotes such a thing. We didn’t know that they were called Zubaz pants, either. We google’d and hoped that something would come up. And boy did it ever.
Here’s the thing. It’s nothing personal. If you still insist on wearing these pants, do us a favor. Unsubscribe to our blog and visit their website. If you move fast enough, you might make the St. Patrick’s Day special. Don’t delay. And good luck to you.
Moving on, spiky hair should be classified as a deadly weapon, both literally and aesthetically. While unsuspecting citizens all over America debate whether to ban semi-automatic rifles and the like, they have no idea that this true danger lurks ominously in the shadows. If sneaker wedges can make such an overwhelming comeback, who’s to say that this abomination can’t? Add frosted tips and a spray tan, and it practically becomes a weapon of mass destruction.
Now for a more philosophical matter. Exactly how overalls made it out of agriculture and into our wardrobes remains one of the true mysteries of life. We live in Greece, so we know what it is to farm. And unless some part of your day includes straddling a tractor or square dancing, we would recommend staying away from this look.
Here’s something on the cusp of actually making a comeback. But we’re hoping it stops before it’s too late. The scrunchie.
Even Sarah Jessica Parker couldn’t resist wearing it back then…We’re looking for photos for this post and we’re all like, “What is this, scrunchie porn?” And it was American Apparel photos. Of girls rolling around in scrunchies. Like they have no other choice but to tie their hair back with this ridiculous rubberband wrapped in fabric of all types, sizes and colors. I mean, we knew you were all for the “basic,” but for cryin’ out loud…the scrunchie?
Yes. It’s gross. No matter how you look at it. But…if you’re into it, you can go to scrunchies.com and choose from a variety of categories: Pet, Thanksgiving, Military. You name it. Scrunchie enthusiasts rejoice!
So American Apparel is on the scrunchie bandwagon. But what’s got us feeling really nervous is the fact that platform sneakers are back in a big way. Ok – you’ll say that they’re not exactly platform sneakers; they’re wedge sneakers. But who’s to say that this:
won’t turn into this?
Just remember…”give them an inch”…Honestly, before you know it we’ll have platform flip-flops and sandals happening again…
So what if in the year 1999, one of us wore a pair just like those Steve Maddens? One of us thought they were nice at the time. But just because one of us wore them then, doesn’t mean we have to wear them now. Έλεος…that means “mercy” in Greek. It’s appropriate here, we think.
On a more positive note… we’ve come a long way from the ruffled shirts of the nineties that conjured up images of Lord Byron and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Or Jerry Seinfeld.
Ruffles are back for spring ’13 in a much more subtle and softly feminine way.
And it’s hard to believe that cropped tops paired with high-waisted mom jeans were once considered socially acceptable attire. During the nineties, women all over the world donned this look now know as trailer-park chic. Thanks, Kelly Kapowski.
Luckily for us, the cropped top has been revamped into a more appropriate-looking garment that shows less skin. So go ahead and eat that piece of cake,
and enjoy your nineties vintage wear sparingly.
H and E