We need to talk about shorts worn with tights/leggings. I’m not entirely sure why this look persists, but for the love of God, please make it stop. Perhaps there is some confusion about the purpose of these two garments. I’d like to take a minute to clarify what the function of shorts and tights are. Let’s start with shorts. Here’s what Wikipedia has to say:
“Shorts are a bifurcated garment worn by both men and women over their pelvic area, circling the waist, and covering the upper part of the legs, sometimes extending down to or even below the knee, but not covering the entire length of the leg. They are called “shorts” because they are a shortened version of trousers, which cover the entire leg. Shorts are typically worn in warm weather or in an environment where comfort and airflow are more important than the protection of the legs.”
I’d like to draw your attention to the last sentence. Shorts are made for warm weather…you know, like when it’s too hot to wear long pants. Now, let’s move on to tights/leggings:
“Leggings are worn to keep a person’s legs warm, as protection from chafing during an activity such as exercise…Leggings are worn by both men and women during exercise but usually only by women at other times. In contemporary usage, leggings refers to tight, form-fitting trousers that extend from the waist to the ankles. In the United States, they are sometimes referred to as tights.”
And there’s more:
“Leggings in various forms and under various names have been worn for warmth and protection by both men and women throughout the centuries…Cowboys wore leggings of buckskin to protect from chapping caused by riding, wear and tear to their pants, and bites from animals, such as snakes or insects in the scruff, such as ticks…In many places, especially in colder countries…men and women continued to wear wool leggings into modern times, often as an additional outer layer for warmth.”
Allow me to summarize. Shorts are made for warm weather to keep your legs cool. Tights are made for cold weather to keep your legs warm (Or, if you’re a cowboy, to protect your legs from a variety of dangers out on the prairie or whatever. I’ll just assume you’re not a cowboy. But I digress…) Therefore, people who wear shorts with tights must be confused about the seasons. Shorts are for summer and tights are for winter and under no circumstances should they ever cross paths. Yet, everywhere I turn, I see women walking around looking like this:
Here’s the thing. This look is unacceptable. Disgusting, even. If you’re still on the fence, I’m here to answer some of your Frequently Asked Questions about this crime of fashion.
FAQ 1: What if I get tired of wearing long pants during the winter? What am I supposed to do then?
Answer: It’s quite simple, really. Might I suggest a dress or skirt worn with tights?
FAQ 2: It’s springtime and not quite warm enough to wear shorts but I really miss my shorts and just…can’t…resist.
Answer: Get the fuck over it, for the sake of all of us who have to look at you. You waited patiently all winter—you can wait a couple more months.
FAQ 3: No, I really can’t wait. What if I just throw on a pair of nude pantyhose on under my shorts and hope no one will notice?
Answer: Actually, everyone will notice. Aside from the fact that pantyhose are essentially torture devices, you’ll look like a douche. Or a Hooters girl.
Are you really ok with that? If you are, then go for it, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.